The scripture tells us that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
However, I sometimes think the scripture should include a disclaimer for religion along the lines of those offered by pharmaceutical commercials on TV that might say, “Warning: Side effects to religion may include arrogance, argumentativeness and acrimoniousness, vindictiveness and sanctimony.”
This morning I want to talk about religion and conflict with special emphasis on why no one ever really wins a holy war. Indeed, I am reminded of a scene in the 1983 movie War Games where a computer runs multiple simulations to try to predict a potentially successful outcome to a thermonuclear war. After running all possible war game simulations the computer announces, “The only way to win is not to play.”
So it is with holy wars. The only way to win is not to play. When my dad was in seminary at the University of Notre Dame studying to be an Episcopal priest I would sometimes further my own theological education by riding my bike to the college bookstore to buy a Charlie Brown book. Indeed, some of my earliest theological lessons came from reading these comic books as a child.
I remember one particular comic strip where Charlie Brown’s sister Sally was talking to her friend Linus when she declared,
“I would make a good evangelist. You know that kid who sits behind me at school? I convinced him that my religion is better than his religion.”
“How did you do that?” asked Linus
“I hit him with my lunch box,” Sally replied.
Sometimes religion brings out love, joy and peace and other times less desirable outcomes. Sometimes religion brings out the best in us and sometimes it brings out the worst.
Conflict has caused a heavy toll on the mainline churches of America. In April of this year 264 congregations in our region left the Holston Valley Conference of the United Methodist Church. The schism in that denomination is mirrored by schisms happening in other denominations across the land including the Presbyterians, American Baptists, Lutherans, United Church of Christ and the Episcopalians, among others. These schisms are leading to a record number of church closings.
Indeed when I started in the ministry I admired the Methodists for their ability to launch new churches while our own denomination seemed to be experiencing more sluggish growth. Now when I drive around town I see some of those new church buildings are empty or have been sold and repurposed to house other businesses. These days scholars speak authoritatively about the decline of mainline denominations and they have plenty of statistics to back up their case. My old seminary professor Tom Mullen used to say, “People will join a church but they will not join a conflict.” For this reason and many others people are opting out of joining churches in our times.
The presenting issue in many of these schisms is conflicts about sexual orientation and gender identity issues. Of course, anyone familiar with conflict studies knows that the presenting issue is rarely the only issue.
When Gene Robinson was ordained the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church it caused a great deal of controversy in that denomination. In the midst of all the hullabaloo my father, the Episcopal minister, called me up and said, “I suppose the idea of a gay bishop would not be controversial in your denomination,” and I replied, “Actually, the idea of a bishop would be very controversial.”
So this morning I want to move beyond “the presenting issues” that are often seen as the cause of conflict and speak to the spirituality that informs how we navigate conflict, to speak to how we address conflict, resolve conflict or manage conflict. The schismatic conflicts in mainline denominations have had the quality of a holy war dividing friends and family from each other and fracturing communities. In other words the tone of these conflicts has not been one of love, joy or peace. No one ever wins such holy wars.
In our church the conflicts are not usually over these big culture war issues. I often say, “If you want to start a BIG STINK in our church don’t say something controversial about religion because that won’t be enough. Don’t say something controversial about politics because that won’t be enough either. Instead, if you want to start a BIG STINK in our congregation simply go into any given room and say, ‘I think we should paint this room a different color.’ ”
In the Unitarian Universalist Church we affirm and promote the worth and dignity of every person. We welcome diversity. We celebrate Pride Month. We aspire to build the Beloved Community by dismantling racism BUT we have very different ideas about what color some of our rooms should be painted.
Other areas of disagreement in our church in recent times include very different ideas about what constitutes a beautiful welcoming garden in the front of our church, very different ideas about the relative safety of open flamed candles on Christmas Eve, very different ideas about whether or not our church should have audiovisual screens in our sanctuary. And yet even these kinds of small disagreements have the power to become toxic because it’s not just “what we disagree about” but “how we disagree about it” that is important. Even disagreements about small matters can become holy wars.
At the beginning of each worship service we say an affirmation
Love is the spirit of this church
And service is its law
To dwell together in peace
To seek the truth in love
And to help one another
This is our great covenant.
Whether you know it or not this statement has been used as a conflict resolution tool. I have observed over and over again that when there is some discussion about some contentious issue someone will suddenly say out loud, “Love is the spirit of this church…” and the effect is that people return to their better selves. The statement changes the focus from “what we disagree about” and moves us toward “how are we going to disagree about it.”
Another example of a covenant that has been used in a similar way can be found on a poster in our children’s Religious Education classrooms. It reads,
- Show respect for all
- Be kind and fair
- Participate and encourage each other
- Share, listen and take turns
- Include everyone
- Settle disagreements in peaceful and caring ways.
- Take care of our space and our world.
Although this language is written for children I have told some of our adult groups who meet in these rooms to use this covenant if a meeting becomes contentious. Sometimes what we need most is the simplest language to help us return to our better selves.
Our congregation has a much longer covenant that you can find on our church website. Just Google TVUUC Congregational Covenant and you will find it. Some of the themes from that covenant relevant for today’s sermon is our promise….
- to welcome all who come to us with acceptance and respect for the differences among us, and to remain open to the richness and discomforts of diversity;
- to listen with sincerity and love;
- to reflect carefully about the potential results of our words and actions before we speak or act;
- to assume the positive intent of others and keep our discussions to topics and issues rather than personalities;
- to acknowledge that we may not always agree with the group decisions, but we will support and participate in decision-making processes that are collaborative and democratic; and be open to compromise;
- to act with loving kindness, seeking to promote justice, equity, and compassion;
- to understand that building our beloved community requires ongoing learning and practice of courageous acts of love and reconciliation.
I mention these promises because we are living in a time when there is a tendency to turn every conflict into a holy war and this tendency is contagious. Many leaders campaigning for public office are setting that example, using their powers for division rather than unity, polarization rather than peace and reconciliation.
Salman Rushdie once said, “Be careful when the powerful trample over you for their disease can infect you through the soles of their feet.” We live in an age when the powerful are trampling over many. Let’s do our best not to catch that disease. For the side effects of religion can include arrogance, argumentativeness and acrimoniousness. And yet if we remain grounded in the spirit then we just may come to know love, joy and peace. For no one ever wins a holy war. Indeed, the only way to win is not to play.
The Tao of Tennessee 